Hands Open
by MathematicSunset
Summary: Lindsay wants Cindy. Cindy wants Lindsay to get up the courage to make a move, so she enlists the help of her childhood friend Michaela. Unfortunately, things don't go quite as planned. ...COMPLETE...
1. Chapter 1

Damn her. Lindsay could swear that the feisty redhead knew what she did to her. The gentle, seemingly mistaken brushes against her as they left the diner. The sly glances across rooms and tables that she sent. It was pushing Lindsay over the edge and fast. It was almost to the point where she felt as if the next time Cindy was within reach, she wouldn't be able to stop herself from grabbing the woman and kissing her, no matter who was watching. At first she had found the reporter a slight annoyance. Then she proved herself useful. And then Lindsay fell. And she fell hard. She tried her hardest every time she was in a room with the woman to pretend like nothing was going on inside her head. It would make her life hell if word got out that she was pining after the pesky reporter who was married to her job. There was no room in her life for something serious, and Lindsay knew this. Still, she couldn't help but dream. "Hell, I could deal with a one night stand." She muttered.

"What?"

Lindsay's head snapped up to find Cindy and Jill scooting into the other side of the booth. "Nothing. Just thinking out loud." She said, sitting up and moving over so Claire could join them. "Please tell me all three of you had a better day than I did."

"I would have loved to have your day. Just getting to sit on your ass? Amazing." Cindy said, sliding out of her jacket. Lindsay tried not to let her eyes dwell on the low-cut shirt she was wearing and instead tried to focus on her drink. "I had to run around this damn city all day. Not on an interesting story, or getting myself into danger, no. Nothing as fun as that. I was trying to get the massive amounts of errands done that I have let pile up. And I think I need to learn to handle them as they arise. Because that whole doing a months worth in one day was not a smart idea."

"So, why don't you seem as frazzled as you should, and who was that girl who you were giving such an affectionate hug to when I ran into you?" Jill asked, smiling.

"Are you suggesting that not only am I gay, but that I got laid today?" Cindy smirked. Lindsay knew that smirk. And it scared her that it caused a pang of jealousy deep in the pit of her stomach. "What if I said I wasn't going to tell you anything?"

"I would say you are getting much better at the lying thing." Claire said, a smile on her face. "So, who was she?"

"If you nosy women must know, her name is Michaela. I've known her since I was about four. And she was back in town for the day, and we hung out. Nothing more. Honestly." She smiled at Lindsay, and the dark-haired woman saw the lie in her eyes. There was more, but she wasn't sharing. For her own privacy, or for Lindsay's sake, she didn't know. Lindsay tore her gaze away from the redhead as Cindy's phone started ringing. "I'll be back in a minute." She wandered off to the other end of the diner, leaving Lindsay at the table with Jill and Claire, who decided their new hobby was the younger woman's sex life.

"Do you think there is more than what she is telling?" Jill asked, watching Cindy over her shoulder.

"Definitely. And I bet you anything she is talking to this Michaela person right now, judging by that goofy smile on her face." Claire replied, suddenly looking at Lindsay. "What do you think?"

"I think it is stupid to sit here and discuss her sex life. If she even has one. Let me up." She said, her voice harsher than she originally planned it to be. Claire silently let her out of the booth and Cindy cast her a confused glance as Lindsay passed her to leave the diner. She was almost safely to her Jeep when she heard the footsteps.

"Where are you going?" Cindy asked, jogging slightly to catch up with her. "What's wrong?"

"So, you have a bed buddy?"

"Bed buddy? Did you seriously just use the phrase bed buddy with a straight face?" Cindy said, smiling for a moment before she realized Lindsay wasn't joking around. "Lindsay, I am not sleeping with Michaela. I promise. Besides, at this exact point in time, my heart does kind of belong to someone." Cindy could almost feel Lindsay's heart snap at those words.

"I have to go. I just need to be alone for a while. Think about some things. I'll…I'll catch you later." She climbed into her Jeep and Cindy silently watched her drive off.

"Well? I take it she didn't exactly invite you home with her." A voice said from behind Cindy.

"She thinks I am sleeping with you!"

"You passed up that boat a while back, honey. Why don't you just tell her that you love her? It would make this whole thing a lot easier. And I wouldn't have to threaten to tell embarrassing stories to your friends. Like, you know, that one time you fell in the Maumee River."

"Michaela, shut up." Cindy said, turning to face her friend. "This was supposed to make her grow a pair and actually approach me. But all it is doing is pushing her further away. At this rate, I am never going to get her. Anyways, don't you have somewhere to be? Like, you know, taking care of your daughter?"

"She has this thing called a father. Trust me, he is a thing. She is safe at home."

"When do you go back to Vancouver?"

"Well, the bitch's funeral is in the morning, so, sometime right after that."

"Do you have to refer to your mother as the bitch?"

"Cindy, you know exactly what I had to deal with involving that woman. Stop trying to change the subject."

"So, this must be Michaela." Claire said, leading Jill across the parking lot. She shook the woman's hand. "I am Claire and this is Jill. We help keep this busybody out of jail for busting rules."

"Someone has to." Jill said, looking at the redhead. "Where did Lindsay go?"

"Home, I guess." Cindy replied, starting to head towards her car. "Michaela, do you need a ride back to your place?"

"Yeah. I could use one. Easier than other ways." She said, smiling. "It was nice meeting you two." She called, climbing into the car. As they drove away, Claire and Jill looked at each other.

"If they aren't sleeping together, they will at some point. I swear I saw sparks flying." Jill said.


	2. Chapter 2

"So, how much more is there between Michaela and yourself?" Lindsay asked, looking into her coffee as she felt Cindy watching her. "I mean, you said last night that there wasn't anything more, but your eyes were clearly telling a different story."

"Are you honestly going to dwell on this?" She asked, annoyance in her voice. "Fine. We had a thing. But that was years ago. Now we are just friends. Strictly living in Platonic Ville."

"Why did it end?"

"I was scared. I was feeling way too much for her for my liking, so I ran." She didn't take her eyes off of Lindsay as she moved slightly closer to her on the couch. "Okay, you know what? Fuck this whole waiting for you to come around thing. You have me, alone. What are you going to do? Are you going to continuously ignore my subtle hints or are you going to do something about that look you get in your eyes when I am around?"

Lindsay slowly turned her gaze upwards. Cindy was staring at her with sadness in her eyes that was almost overshadowed by a hint of anger. She knew she was being stupid about this whole not making a move thing, but she suddenly found that she was going to lose Cindy the same way Michaela had lost the redhead. Fear. "Cin…I…"

"I am not going to wait around any longer. I am not sure if I love you but I sure as hell care a lot about you. And I don't know what you feel for me, but from that look in your eyes right now, you would be thrilled to have me as yours, wouldn't you? So why can't you just grow a pair and kiss me already?" She said, her voice barely rising above a whisper.

Before the woman could pull away, Lindsay took a deep breath to make sure she was still alive and then leaned in slowly, gently tasting Cindy's lips. She had imagined that they would be soft, but the imaginary lips were nothing compared to the feeling of the pouty reality ones. She slid her hand to the base of Cindy's neck and pulled her closer as she tentatively deepened the kiss.

Cindy suddenly pulled back, earning a groan of protest from Lindsay. "I'm going to Vancouver for a week."

"What?" Lindsay asked, her voice flat.

"With Michaela. To see her daughter. I haven't seen Zaria since she was two, and she is almost five now."

"A week. With Michaela."

"Linz, I meant what I said. Platonic Ville."

-----

"Wow, this place is massive! Is this what being a trust fund baby gets you?" Cindy said, laughing as she set down her bag in the apartment. She let her gaze sweep over the studio style apartment and almost missed the small blur running towards her. "Zaria!" Cindy said, picking the child up. "Look at you!"

"I'm growing up! Mama didn't tell me you were coming home with her!"

"It was a surprise. Are you surprised?"

"Yes!" She giggled, wrapping her arms tightly around Cindy's neck. "How long are you here for?"

"I am all yours for a full week." Cindy replied, kissing the little girls forehead. It had been far too long since she had gotten to hold her God-Daughter, and it felt so nice to see her. Everyday she was looking more and more like Michaela. From the dark chocolate colored eyes to the naturally straight black hair. As she held the girl to her she looked at Michaela. "Where is Matvei?"

"Dad is getting his stuff together so he can go back to his house. He said that now that mama was home and everything he wasn't really needed. I hugged him and told him I needed him and he seemed to feel a little better." Zaria said, barely taking a breath between sentences.

"Honey, why don't you go to your room and watch a movie." Michaela said, watching Cindy set the girl down. The redhead then followed her friend into the kitchen. "What?"

"Okay, last time I heard, you and Matvei were doing amazing, even talking about another baby. What happened?"

"Things change. I really don't want to get into it right now, okay? This whole week is supposed to be about you getting to spoil the hell out Zaria. Not about my life."

"I care, so I ask. That's all." Cindy whispered, her hand resting on Michaela's forearm, the feeling so natural and familiar. "Please tell me what is going on? I feel so out of the loop."

"Well, maybe if you hadn't run back to San Francisco on me, you wouldn't be so out of it." Michaela snapped, pulling away from her friend.

"Michaela…"

"I'm sorry. That was uncalled for. I guess I am just a bit jealous that you decided that San Francisco was better than Vancouver with me."

"I had my reasons, and you know damn well what they were." She replied, leaning against the counter and crossing her arms. "You going to tell me why you have changed? Why you are so easily pissed off? Why Matvei isn't living here anymore?"

"You have enough drama in your life. You don't need mine added onto it."

"It isn't going to kill me. If I didn't want it in my life, I wouldn't have asked you to help me get Lindsay to make a move. By the way, she did kiss me finally. Granted, in the middle of it, I pulled away and told her I was coming up here for a week. She didn't like that too much."

"That wasn't the smartest move. You ever think this little trip might ruin any chances of a relationship that there is?"

"I don't really care about that right now. I care about you." They looked up as Matvei came into the room. Cindy had to admit, he was as good looking as he ever had been.

"I am going to head off." He said, kissing the top of Michaela's head. "Hey Cindy." He said, smiling as he wrapped an arm around her. "Take care of my girls while you're here."

"You know I will." She replied, smiling at his back as he left. "He cares about you too."

"Then why is he the one that moved out?"

"Well, maybe he had a good reason. You just don't seem to be telling me that reason."

"Please, just, don't push the subject." She said, trying to hold the tears back. "We decided that when you left, my life became my life and my problems were no longer yours to help me through. Remember that? Why the sudden change of heart on that? Why do you want to be a problem-fixer again all of a sudden?"

"No. Don't even try to guilt trip me! I am a friend, and friends care." She snapped, her face inches from Michaela's. "When you actually want to be an adult about this, come talk to me. I am going to go spend some time with Zaria."


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors Note: **_The Russian in this chapter translates to "I want you to make love to me."_

Michaela looked at Cindy as the woman helped Zaria get her jacket on. "Can we go to the park when I get home from school?"

"I think we can manage that." Cindy replied, picking the girl up. "You know, before your mama knows it, you are going to be in high school. And have boyfriends. And a car."

"No. No boys and definitely no car." Michaela said, smiling. She followed Cindy out of the apartment and resisted the urge to wrap an arm around the woman as they walked the few blocks to drop Zaria off at school. "I have something I want to show you." She whispered, leading Cindy towards a cemetery down the street. Cindy was quiet as they approached a small headstone. "Sacha Ieremiya Tupolev." She said, sitting on the grass and running her fingers over the stone.

Cindy quietly looked at the dates. "He was three days old." She fell to her knees next to her friend, her eyes not leaving the headstone. "Michaela, honey, what happened?"

"When I found out I was pregnant, the doctor said that it would be really dangerous for my health once I got to around six months along. So when I made it to seven months with no problem, we were ecstatic. I went into labor early, and it scared me because of all the fear with having Zaria early. There…" She took a deep breath and Cindy wrapped her arms around her. "There was something wrong with his lungs. He was hooked up to all these machines. Cin, I couldn't even hold him! After three days, there was nothing that could be done. We had the choice of leaving him hooked to those machines…or burying him. Matvei and I knew that we wouldn't be able to go on knowing that he wasn't going to get better. So, we made our choice. and I have all this guilt, because Matvei wanted a son so bad. And I couldn't do that right. I fucked it up like I fuck everything else up." She whispered, tears flowing down her cheeks and soaking into Cindy's shirt.

"Babes, that could never have been your fault. Ever," Cindy whispered, holding Michaela to her.

"That's why he moved out. Because I wouldn't stop beating myself up about it all. Do you think I am meant to be alone? I mean, first I lose you and then I lose Matvei." She looked up at Cindy, and the redhead quietly wiped the tears away from her eyes.

"You know, if you just said the words, you could have me again. I made the biggest mistake of my life by running away from you." She whispered, her lips almost brushing against Michaela's ear.

"What about your lovely Lindsay?" Michaela asked, her voice matching Cindy's.

"Forget her. You were there first. You etched your name into my heart long before I even met her."

"You can't forget her. You say you can, but you know you can't. She means too much to you. You want her, not me."

"No, I am pretty sure I want you." Cindy placed a gentle kiss against Michaela's neck.

"You don't know what you want." Michaela responded, pulling back. She wasn't going to have any part in Cindy ruining her chances to be happy. She stood up quickly and refused to meet Cindy's eyes.

"How do you know that I don't know? Who are you to say that I want Lindsay, and not you?"

"Because I know you. I know you better than you know yourself. I know all of your little tells. I know how when you begin to deny something, it's what means the most to you. I know that the second that woman stepped into your life, I was gone. Done for. I can't be there for you, Cindy. I can't protect you. I can't make you happy. I can't do any of the things you deserve. She is good for you Cindy. Good to you. So after this week, go home. And go to her. Do yourself that much of a favor."

Cindy followed Michaela back to the apartment wordlessly. As soon as the door closed, she turned to the woman. "You think you know me so well, right? Did you know that when I left you, I cried every single fucking night. I cried because I knew I was being stupid and childish. I walked away from the one person who could love me in spite of everything, whose love would never change. I think about you every single day. When you aren't near me, I dream of what we could have had. What we could still have. With all this Lindsay shit, you make it sound like we're together. We aren't. We shared one kiss. One kiss during which I wanted to be kissing you. Haven't you seen the similarities? Tall, dark hair, eyes you could get lost in for days."

"Cindy…"

Cindy moved forward, pinning Michaela against the wall, their lips clashing together before Michaela could protest. Cindy pulled back, Michaela moving forward to press her mouth against the redhead's ear.

"я хочу Вас, чтобы заняться любовью со мной." Michaela whispered, voice wavering.

Cindy shuddered, hands tightening convulsively around the taller woman's waist. She didn't bother replying, nuzzling Michaela's neck instead, brushing a feather-light kiss over the pulse point throbbing in the brunette's neck. Fingers dipped into the pants pocket at Michaela's hip, breath hitching in her throat at the touch where thigh met torso. "Come on," Cindy murmured, tugging at the pocket her fingers still held captive.

Michaela resisted for a moment, toeing off her sneakers before letting her fingers drift to the buttons on Cindy's polo shirt. "You always did look good in these…" she mumbled against Cindy's lips, their progress halted for a moment as they kiss. Michaela is not kind as she unbuttons the shirt. Her hands moved agonizingly slow, knuckles and the backs of her fingers brushing against Cindy's breasts, just enough to let her know what was coming but not even close to doing anything to ease the growing ache between her legs.

When the rest of the buttons finally came undone, Michaela pushed the collar back, laying the front of the shirt open. She trailed one long, slender finger down the edge of Cindy's bra, drinking in the creamy skin and labored breathing of this redhead she hadn't seen in far, far too long. She dipped her head, tongue flicking over creamy, salty skin, forcing a gasp from Cindy's lips.

Hand clenched around the back of Michaela's neck, Cindy pulled her lips up to meet her own, plundering the taller woman's mouth with her tongue. Cindy is far more direct, yanking impatiently on the zipper pull on Michaela's jacket, shoving the offending item down and away before throwing it aside. Her fingers find skin under Michaela's shirt, eliciting twin moans from the two women. "Oh god…I've missed you so much," Cindy sighed against Michaela's lips, her hands sliding across the other woman's skin.

Michaela silently led them to the bedroom, fighting back the urge to giggle as Cindy caught the edge of the bed with the back of her knees and toppled onto the furniture, pulling the woman on top of her. Michaela slid the redhead's shirt over her head and laid a trail of kisses from her ear to her stomach. She kept eye contact with Cindy as she undid her pants and gently slid her hand under the band of the underwear. The smirk that Cindy loved so much spread across Michaela's face as Cindy grabbed her arm and held on tightly, almost as if she was holding on for her life.


	4. Chapter 4

Cindy couldn't help but smile as she felt Michaela wrap her arms around her tightly as they watched Zaria play with her friends in the schoolyard. Michaela didn't think that she could protect Cindy, but at that moment, the redhead felt safer than ever. She half-turned in the hold of the woman and gently kissed her lips. "I love you." She whispered, returning her gaze to the little girl.

"What happened to Platonic Ville?" Both women turned to see Lindsay standing on the sidewalk.

"What in the hell are you doing here Lindsay?" Cindy asked, pulling the woman out of earshot of Michaela.

"I missed you," she murmured, hands shoved deep in her pockets, shoulders hunched against what she just saw. "I thought –" "What, Lindsay?" Cindy asked, a little too harshly. Tough-as-nails Inspector Boxer gasped, head snapping back as though she'd been slapped. "I thought maybe you'd want to show me around Vancouver," she replied, hurt and betrayal showing stark in her eyes. She ducked her head to one side in an awkward little shrug, not bothering wiping the tears from her cheeks. "Guess I, uh, guess I was wrong, huh?" she asked, watching Cindy's face for one long moment before taking a step back. She wrapped her arms around herself, staring at the ground as she took a deep breath. "Bye, Cindy," she told the grass, turning and walking away without looking back.

She could feel Cindy's gaze on her back all the way to her car, where she fumbled with the keys. Lindsay concentrated on slow, deep breaths until she slid the key in the lock and dropped into the driver's seat. The door closed, blocking out the shrieks and yells of kids playing and she finally let herself breakdown, sobs wracking her body and all she could do was wait for the storm to dry itself up before turning the key in the ignition and pulling out of the lot, turning the car in the direction of her hotel on autopilot.

-----

Cindy sat herself down on the park bench and pulled her jacket around her tighter. She was in over her head now, and she didn't have a single plan on how to fix it. Michaela was upset with her for not letting her in on how she felt, and Lindsay was mad at her for…well…it was obvious what Lindsay was mad at her for. She knew Lindsay was still in Vancouver. She had received a voicemail from the woman leaving her room number at the hotel. She knew she should call Lindsay and explain herself, but until she figured herself out, there was nothing to explain.

A sharp winter wind blew through the empty park, making her whole body shake. The clouds were dropping light sprinkles of rain instead of snow, signaling that winter was almost over. She desperately wanted it to begin pouring so the raindrops would mask her tears. She needed someone to run to, but she didn't know who. The amazing Russian who had stolen her heart more than once or the dark Inspector who was just as much of a tortured soul as Cindy was.

The redhead finally stood up from the cold loneliness of the bench and began walking. She was going to let her feet decide where to go instead of driving herself mad thinking about it. As she passed happy couple after happy couple out for a late afternoon walk, most holding hands with each other or holding tightly to hands of young children, she could feel her heart hurting. She took a long look at the front of the hotel before entering. Her heart beat faster with every step she took towards the stairwell. This could go one of two ways. The door will open, or it won't. She stopped outside the room, her hand raised in midair inches from the door.

_What if she isn't in there? Or what if she just slams the door in your face?_ She thought, putting her hand back at her side. _But she wouldn't. Would she? She willingly called you to let you know what room she was staying in. That has to mean something. Something is there, and she knows it and she wants to find it._ Her hand rose towards the door again, only faltering for a split second, before it rapped on the wood three times. She held her breath as she heard the soft footfalls nearing the other side of the door. The lock clicked and she tried to smile at the dark haired woman. Instead of slamming the door in her face, like she could tell Lindsay wanted to, the taller woman stepped aside so Cindy could enter the room.

She sat down on one of the beds and looked at the room. It looked like any hotel room she had ever stayed in, except this time she knew she would never forget the details no matter the outcome. "Look, I don't actually have anything to say. At all. I tried to think of a good reason that could explain why I was with Michaela, but there is nothing."

"How about the truth? You ever think that might work?" Lindsay said, her voice raw. She had been crying. A lot.

"You mean just come out and tell you my whole history?" She asked, whispering as Lindsay sat on the bed across from her. The woman nodded. "Fine." She took a deep breath. "We met when we were seven. Some kids were picking on me at school, and she stood up for me. We were instant friends. She taught me Russian and I helped her with her English homework. When we were, I think, sixteen, maybe seventeen, we were talking about colleges and when I said I was going to New York, something changed with us. She became slightly distant as the time for me to leave neared."

"She loves you." Lindsay whispered, defeat in her voice.

"I am pretty sure she does. And I left her. I left her in a hell that took her six years to escape from. And then I thought everything was okay. She was helping me lure you into making a move. I figured it would be totally okay to spend a week with her. I never wanted anything to form of it, but I love her."

"And not me."

"See, there is my problem. I know I love her. I don't know what I feel for you."

"Because you won't give it a chance!"

"Do you think you could stand to give me a chance knowing I have slept with her? Can you find it in you to look past that? I would walk away from her again, if only to see what happens with us, because I care about you. I really do, I just have no idea what's going on inside my head or my heart right now." She said, reaching across the gap between them to grab Lindsay's hands. "Can you give me a chance?"


	5. Chapter 5

Authors Note:

Due to the rules here, I cannot post chapter five of this story here. If you would like it, please send me an e-mail:


	6. Chapter 6

"When are you going to be back?" Zaria said, tears running down her face at the news of Cindy's early departure.

"I promise I will try and come see you as soon as possible. Maybe next time your mom comes down to San Francisco, she can bring you with her, and I can take you to some of my favorite places. How does that sound?" Zaria nodded and wrapped her arms tightly around Cindy's neck. "I love you baby girl." She kissed her forehead and gently handed the girl to Michaela. "Just because we didn't exactly work doesn't mean you can't come visit. You're still my best friend." She said, reaching out to gently touch the woman's cheek.

"I'll see what I can do." She choked out, not looking at her friend. "Have a safe trip. Both of you." She stepped back into the building out of the cold and Cindy followed Lindsay to the cab.

"That wasn't as hard as I had expected it to be." She said, taking a hold of Lindsay's hand once they were on their way to the gate at the airport. "Hey, does this mean I get to hang out around your desk more often without having to be in handcuffs?"

"Funny." She replied. _Fuck. _Her thoughts from the night before – all the relationship shit that usually had her running for the hills, or rather, never leaving the hills in the first place – jumped to the forefront of her mind, aided in her determination to _not_ ruin things with Cindy. _Now or never, Inspector Boxer. _Her hold on the redhead's hand tightened, the steadiness in her voice surprising when she asked, "So, do we have ground rules?"

"Like what?" Cindy asked.

"Like, are we keeping us a secret or are we telling people? Public displays of affection?" The slight edge of uncertainty and panic in her voice was endearing, drawing an unconscious smile from the smaller woman.

"Honestly, I don't really have rules on it all. If you want to tell Jill, Claire and Jacobi, you can. I think Jill and Claire will put two and two together the next time we see them and I can't keep my hands off you. As for public displays of affection, Linz -" Cindy cut herself off, exasperated. "We live in the gayest city in the country, quite possibly the world. I don't think we have anything to worry about."

Lindsay simply stared at her for a second, an unreadable look on her face. "Ok..." she screwed her eyes shut, shaking her head as though to clear it. "You have a point, but you sounded _a lot _like Claire just then, and that is just too weird."

Cindy just laughed as the cab pulled up to the curb in the Departures lane at the airport, Lindsay shoving the door open before unfurling her body from the cramped back seat. The redhead, still giggling, joined her at the trunk a moment later and they headed inside.

The smile was still on her face as she silently watched Lindsay fidget as they stood in line at Security. "What?" Lindsay asked, looking at her.

"Impatient much?"

"I just wanna sit down." She mumbled, tapping her foot as they inched forward. After another half an hour in line, passing through security, and a long walk to their gate, Lindsay sat down on a chair and let an exhausted sigh escape her lips. Cindy set their bags on the seat next to the woman and gently lowered herself onto her lap. Cindy moved some hair away from Lindsay's neck and placed a soft kiss on her neck. Lindsay closed her eyes nervously, afraid to see how passerby's would react.

"Relax a little, okay?" She put her hands on her shoulders and slowly began rubbing them. "If people watch how much I love to kiss you, then let them watch." She whispered, smiling at Lindsay.

"I love you." She whispered, opening her eyes so she could admire the redhead that was all hers. Cindy was holding loosely to her hand, looking out the window at runway, watching for their plane to appear in the gate.

"I love you too." She whispered, tracing the lines on the woman's hand with her fingers. "When did you first realize that you loved me?"

"I think that it may have been when I cuffed you in Theresa Woo's apartment. You just looked so adorable when you asked me if it was necessary." She was quiet for a long moment. "Why didn't you just come to me and tell me you wanted me to make a move? Why bring Michaela into it all?"

"See, that whole thing seemed like a really good idea at the time. I mean, I really did believe that I had buried all of my feelings for her deep down. Almost to the point where they were erased. And when she said she was going to be in town for a couple days, and I saw her and spent time with her, and realized the feelings were still there. I really didn't plan on screwing things up so badly or so quickly."

"But you did."

"I know, I know. If you don't want me to spend time with Michaela, I won't."

"I don't want you to lose your best friend. I just don't like the idea of you two alone together."

"How about this? If she does come to visit, I will make sure everything we end up doing includes you and Zaria. So you can keep an eye on us. Just so you know, if we had been together, I wouldn't have slept with her. I may be indecisive, but I don't cheat."

"Believe it or not, that actually makes me feel a lot better about things." She watched Cindy stand up and smiled at the redhead. "You're beautiful, you know that?"

"Why the sudden flattery?"

Lindsay stood up and slid the ticket out of the shorter woman's hand. "I want the window seat."

--


	7. Chapter 7

"So, you don't trust me

"So, you don't trust me?"

"Cindy, it isn't you I don't trust. It's the fact that she is living in San Francisco now, and I know your whole history, and I know you still love her. I don't trust her."

"I trust her."

"Must be nice to live jaded like that, you know?" Lindsay snapped, watching as Cindy took a step backwards from the force of the words. "I haven't seen anything that can be a proven fact that you should be anywhere in her general vicinity."

The redhead rolled her eyes as she turned and headed for the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Somewhere that isn't near you!"

"Cindy!" She grabbed the redheads arm and held tightly to it.

"Let go of me. Now."

"Tell me you aren't running to Michaela."

"What if I am?"

"Then you don't have to worry about coming back here. Ever."

"Have a nice life, Lindsay. Because if this hurts you as much as it is hurting me to think it, you deserve every bit of fucking pain you get. Every single bit."

"If it hurts so bad, don't leave."

"Make up your mind! One second you say if I leave, I am gone for good. The next you want to try and beg me not to go? You cannot have it both ways."

"You can't have Michaela and myself. You get one or the other, so why don't you choose?"

"Hmm. The one person who knows me inside and out or the selfish bitch who can't seem to trust anyone? I think I may just have to choose her. I mean, she gets me Lindsay. She has been there through everything I have had to go through, and I have been there for her. You seem to have this image of her being this awful person, but you haven't even thought about trying to get to know her, have you?"

Lindsay looked at the floor.

"I was the one she ran to when her mother hit her. Every single time, it was me. Because I cared about her. She was and still is my best friend. No one can take her place, and yes I do love her. I always will. And given time, I could love you more than her, but you seemed determined to not let that happen!"

"Cindy…"

"No, for get this. All of it, Lindsay. Forget the fact that for so long I wanted you to see me. I thought it would be the best thing that could ever happen to me, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was just immature. And I know I am being immature right now, but so are you. Maybe we both need to leave each other alone and grow up a little." Cindy continued towards the door, forcing herself to not turn around the look at the woman. She knew if she did, she would never leave and they would have this battle again and again. They both needed this pain, and they both knew it. Neither wanted to accept it, but it had to happen.

As the door closed, Lindsay leaned her forehead against it and couldn't stop the tears from flowing down her cheeks. She should go after the woman, but knew it would be a lost cause until the anger was gone. She trudged back to the couch and sat down, pulling Martha to her. "I love her, Martha. If I love her so much, why did I let her walk out that door?"

--

_This isn't right Cindy, get yourself together. You shouldn't be here. You should be with Lindsay trying to fix everything, not running here and fucking it up worse. _She looked around the apartment. Michaela sat down on the couch next to her and Cindy instinctively let herself be enveloped into her arms. "Place looks nice."

"Matvei helps with the rent. He got the apartment across the hall so Zaria can stay with him when she wants." She gently kissed the top of Cindy's head. "What's wrong?"

"Everything." Michaela looked at the tears on the woman's face and the heartbreak in her eyes. Before she had the chance to realize what was going on, she had pressed her mouth to the redheads. "Lindsay and I got into a fight," Cindy said, pulling back, a confused look spreading across her face.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. She doesn't trust me. Actually, what she said was that she doesn't trust you."

"Have I ever given her a reason to not trust me?" Michaela leaned forward again and pressed her forehead to Cindy's. "I mean, besides the fact that I just kissed you, and that you ran to me," she whispered, her Russian accent overly thick in the quietness of her voice.

"There is that." Cindy let a smile play at the corners of her mouth. She leaned into Michaela and let their lips connect again. "But now I am also the untrustworthy one, aren't I?" She let her hand snake its way up the woman's leg, slowly moving across her skin to gently slide underneath her skirt.

"We need a bed." Michaela stood up, pulling Cindy along to the bedroom. She took great care in letting the redhead lay down on the bed and let her mouth connect with Cindy's neck. As she let her hand dip extremely close to where Cindy needed it to be at that moment, she pressed her lips to her ear. "I bet you that I fuck you so much better than your Inspector."

"What?" Cindy pushed the woman off of her and sat up. "Tell me you seriously did not just say that!"

"You know it's the truth."

Cindy looked at Michaela for a long moment before she realized that her phone was ringing. She grabbed it from where her bag had dropped next to the bed and looked at the display. Seeing that it was Lindsay, she pressed the accept button and held the phone to her ear. "What?"

"Come home. Please."


	8. Chapter 8

"What

"What?" Cindy moved into the other room, stooping down to grab her jacket and bag.

"Come home." Lindsay's voice was barely above a whisper, and the tears were evident. "Please. I made a mistake in letting you walk out that door and I don't give a shit if you ran to Michaela, right now I just want you home. I want to lay in bed and hold you until we fall asleep. I want to wake up and have you be the first thing I see."

"I'm on my way. Lindsay, I'm sorry."

"I'm the…"

"No. You don't have to say your sorry. You were right. Don't ask now, I will explain. I love you." She disconnected and turned around to see Michaela watching her.

"I still love you, you know that, right? I mean, I know you are going to run home to Lindsay now, but know that I will always love you. No matter what."

Cindy closed her eyes for a moment, and when they opened Michaela could tell what was coming next. "You know what? I think you need to stay away from me and I should stay away from you. Because I do love you, but as long as you are near me, I will never have a chance to find out how I feel about Lindsay. You seem to be bound and determined to break the two of us apart, and for a while now I have been letting you, but not anymore. Not after that comment back there."

"Cindy…"

"Go to Matvei. Tell him you love him; tell him you are sorry for beating yourself up about something that you had no control over. Tell him that you want to try again, Michaela. Tell him that you want to give Zaria the one thing she wants. A whole family. Give that to your daughter. She deserves it. Matvei cares about you so much and he always has. He can love you more than I could." Without another word she headed out of the apartment and to her car, knowing that in minutes she would be where she belonged.

She walked into the apartment and wrapped her arms around Lindsay. "Let's not do this anymore. From now on, no fighting. Just happiness."

"You were right about Michaela. About the whole trust issue. And you shouldn't trust me. At least not when I am with her. Being in the same room as her does something to me, and I am not going to let it happen anymore. I told her that I don't want to be near her anymore. It's not right. It will never give me a chance to love you."

"You didn't have…"

"Lindsay, I almost fucked her! I almost did the worst thing I could ever do to you, and do you want to know the only thing that stopped me?"

"Good judgment?"

"She told me that she bets that she fucks me better than you do. No good judgment at all. Had she not said that, I would have gone through with it all, you know? I would have slept with her; cheated on you. You don't have to trust me anymore, because I do not, in any way, deserve that trust. I am just as bad as her." She turned to head back towards the door.

"Where are you going?"

"My apartment."

Lindsay reached for the redhead and pulled the woman to her, holding her tightly. "You aren't going anywhere. Trust can be rebuilt. Yeah, you may have almost cheated, but you know what? You didn't. And you were completely honest with me about it. You didn't try and hide it away for me to never learn. So come on, let's go lay down and sleep." She gently pulled Cindy along to the bedroom. "I love you."

--

Six Months Later

--

"Wait! Wait! Wait!" Cindy couldn't stop herself from laughing as Lindsay stared at her from the doorway. "Do it again."

"You have to be the most easily amused woman. Ever."

"It was just so classic. The ever graceful Lindsay Boxer totally falling off of the bed!" She rolled onto her back and continued to laugh. She let out a surprised shriek as Lindsay climbed onto the bed and pinned the redhead down.

"Looks like my equilibrium isn't dead anymore."

"Oh, I am so scared." She rolled her eyes and laughed again. "I love you. So much."

Lindsay gently kissed the redhead. "You mean it?"

"I'll love you even more if you get off of me so I can get dressed. Remember? We have to meet Jill and Claire at the diner for lunch? So let me up." She watched as Lindsay moved to the side, the smile not leaving her face. "What?"

"I never felt this happy with Tom," she said, a hint of sadness tainting her voice and betraying the smile. "I mean, I know I loved him, but there was so much stress from everything in our lives that we never got to do this. We never got to lay in bed all morning on a Sunday and just hold each other. And I know for a fact that he never made me smile as much as you do." She watched as Cindy disappeared into the bathroom and reemerged moments later dressed for the day.

"Come on," she said, grabbing Lindsay's hand. "Let's go see our friends and be happy."

--

"Isn't that…" Jill began, looking at the entrance to the diner as the door opened.

"Michaela?" Cindy didn't let her voice rise above normal, but Lindsay couldn't ignore the glint of something in the redhead's eyes.

"Cindy!" Zaria ran over to the table and wrapped her arms around the woman. "Mama! Look! It's Cindy!"

Michaela made her way over to the table, one hand resting on her stomach and the other pulling Matvei along with her. "Well, hey there."

"We'll meet you two outside." Claire said, pulling Jill along with her as she vacated the booth.

"Sit." Lindsay motioned to the table. She extended her hand to Matvei. "I don't think we ever met. I'm Lindsay."

"Ah, Cindy's girlfriend." He said, shaking her hand before turning his gaze on Cindy. "I have to thank you. If you hadn't been an utter…" He glanced at Zaria. "Witch, this one here would have never came to her senses." He jerked his thumb at Michaela.

Cindy let Zaria climb into the booth between Cindy and Lindsay and looked at the dark haired woman. "Are you being good to my Cindy?"

"Why, yes I am." Lindsay replied, smiling at the little girl.

"Michaela, look, about everything…"

"Cindy, forget it. Let's not get into this. Truth is, I dragged these two here today because I was hoping that you would be here. I wanted you to be the first person we tell."

"What?" The redhead looked confused and Lindsay couldn't help but smile at her.

"I'm pregnant. Five months along. A little boy. And everything looks good, no troubles at all."

"Michaela! That's wonderful!" Cindy exclaimed, reaching across the table to squeeze the woman's hands. "What took you so long to track me down and tell me? Besides the whole I told you to stay away thing?"

"Well, we wanted to find out the sex of the baby…and we wanted to make sure everything was going to be okay." Matvei said putting his arm protectively around Michaela, almost the same exact pose between Lindsay and Cindy since Zaria had vacated her spot and was now at Matvei's side, tugging at his sleeve.

Lindsay leaned in close to Cindy as Matvei picked Zaria up and held onto her as he smiled at Michaela. "Is this a good enough happy ending for you?" She whispered, closing her eyes and absorbing the feel of Cindy sliding an arm around her waste.

"Yes, it is."


End file.
